Why does she look like Ed from Cowboy Bebop? If I seriously have to answer that, you haven't been following me long enough. So anyway PREVIOUSLY ON LIVE STREAMING W/ JO! Young JesuOtaku has decided to start playing English Visual Novels as a part of her weekend live show. If memory serves me right, so far she has played Katawa Shoujo from Four Leaf Studios and most recently Fading Hearts from Sakura River: that last one earned her the ire of the studio who made it.
So I'm watching these shows and I think to myself, 'SELF! There is an opportunity here.' I could suggest JO play a few noteworthy EVNs just to even out what she considers bad...or I could keep the parade going for a bit longer. I don't make it a habit to do Worst Of lists or anything because, for the most part, I think that anyone who joins this medium is capable of doing good if they are willing to put in the effort and hard work to do so. That doesn't mean, however, that we don't get our share of so bad its good/hilarious and so bad its awful works.
WITH THAT IN MIND, here are the rules. These are all free EVNs that are accessible for JesuOtaku to play RIGHT NOW. Not all of them will be bad. In fact the first four or five should be decent works that I think the young lady would just have a good time with. However, there will be some God-Awful stuff on here as well. So pass the list on and lets see if Our Lady of Otakudom can handle these.
Let's get this started!
10. RE: Alistair++
Like I said not every game on this list would be bad and I think RE:Alistair++ is a solid effort. My thing is, if you're going to play Katawa Shoujo, why NOT play this one? It takes the standard high school setting and probably has the most fun with it of any other romantic EVN. Merui is actually a pretty good protagonist considering what this particular genre can shell out and the guys are...okay the blonde idiot above this paragraph is an idiot BUT the others are pretty straightforward, decent guys.
And isn't this just a fun premise to start off with? A young girl obsessed with a MMORPG gets her in-game loot taken from her and has thirty days to find the culprit outside of the game. It's golden cheese baby: what more can you ask for from an otome? (Again here comes the rage in 3..2...)
Download RE:Alistair++ here!
9. A Very Splendid Otome Game
Hilarity shall ensue. I literally did not stop laughing until the end and it was well worth the 30 minutes or so needed to complete it. Play it here!
8. My Magical Cosplay Cafe
Anyway, this list would be remiss without this one. While Re:Alistair++ was a decent effort into romance, this is just bat shit insanity for the sake of bat shit insane fun. Sakata takes great joy in poking fun at long-running anime and visual novel trope with each new path amping up the twisted story. As for what it's all about? Well, there's break-dancing...I'm sure that counts as a plot. The rest of it is too nuts to explain: you'll just have to play it to see.
Download My Magical Cosplay Cafe here!
7. RE: Prince of Nigeria
RE: Prince of Nigeria is, for the most part, a comedy game where a young, naive girl falls for the oldest scam in the book. Not only does she believe the titular Prince of Nigeria needs her help, she begins to fall in love with him. I can handle this kind of over the top as it just keeps topping off the nonsense with mostly good jokes until the inevitable end. There is also a bit of a twist as it gets closer to the finale, but that I consider to be a take it or leave it proposition. If you have fun with mots of the game, you won't mind how it all wraps up. I didn't mind and I had a great deal of fun.
Download RE: The Prince of Nigeria here!
6. Heartful Chance
My opinion on this one is rather infamous by now so we're not going to spend a lot of time rehashing the past. Let's just say there's a good kind of over the top where the brakes stay on the roller coaster and there's a bad over the top where the brakes fly off and you just hope you don't crash into the log slide. This title dangles dangerously towards the latter as you guide Eimi through the Valentine's season as a high school Hallmark store: writing love letters to all who needs them.
If the color scheme doesn't tip you off, this game relishes in relentless love of love itself. For many it is a take it or leave it proposition just because there is a lot of story elements you'll have to excuse to keep going, but if you enjoy a good laugh and a mild diabetic coma from the over-sugared romances then by all means!
Download Heartful Chance here!
5. My Teacher
It's a fairly bland otome plot The male targets are the most offensive here as they are just there to fill the standard-issue otome pretty boy meter without adding anything to the overall story. And the heroine? She definitely exists, but she's hardly someone you want to cheer for. It's just average: which may be a worse...wait: no it's not. I know how this list ends: no it's not.
If you think you can take the tedium download My Teacher here!
4. Papercut
So bad it's good? Maybe. Download Papercut to find out!
3. Senior Year/College Romance/Alta, Texas
Having just reviewed this, the pointlessness may still be too fresh on my mind to deserve to be on here, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT let's say it deserves to be here. Why does it deserve to be here? Well the plot is dull and makes little sense, plus the artwork is ugly as Hell? Okay but there are dull games on the list, what separates this one? Well, how about in the original version all of the females are wanton sluts who go for the main character's male unit within the first ten minutes of the game and have slapped on back stories not worth the plaque on your back teeth?
You see that look on your face? THAT is why it deserves to be on this list. Now you could spend $10 on the recently re-release of the game or instead of wasting $10 when you can give it to the poor or by yourself a Subway meal, why not just play the free version and let the fail soak every pour of your body?
Play it here!
2. Reverse Robin
Whenever a director, writer, producer, ANYONE says that in response to criticism about their work you know something went wrong. This particular title was more experimental than anything but 'experimental' in the way of, 'We just wanted to have fun.' Through the multiple plot lines there is no consistent theme or characters. Sprites are reused to fit whoever's in the scene without any regard to the reader trying to keep up and through it all the only thing you'll be thinking is, 'What in the Hell is going on?'
Reverse Robin is an absolute mess and it is unrepentant in its lack of...everything. I wish there was more I could say but really, the best thing I can say about it is that it was over sooner than I thought it would be. So, do you feel up to the challenge of a truly cringe worthy title? Download Reverse Robin here!
1. Nowhere Safe
Luckily, said sequel was so universally slammed the writer have decided to retcon it, but there is no way to polish this one. I've never played Fading Hearts so I cannot aptly judge it, but if you want the bottom of the barrel this is it. Just remember, you cannot undo this: you can't pretend it was never read it. Once you've played Nowhere Safe, it will follow you for the rest of your life.
Play Nowhere Safe at Your Own Risk.
JP3: OUT!